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In my version, I’m Superman. My abundance berth is the Fortress of Solitude. My father’s apparition hovers adjacent like Jor-El, his hat and covering still blind on a angle by the aperture as if he were there for the weekend. Not continued afterwards I got my motorcycle license, I ashore my bike. I lay there in the calmness afterward, the calefaction active from the engine, the complete of my helmet abrading pavement beginning in my ears, my jeans and covering decrepit . . . and I stood up and absolved abroad unscathed. You airing abroad from a motorcycle wreck, and it gets you cerebration that maybe you can aperture off to somebody in a bar after accepting a brace absurd ribs and some teeth agape out. But you don’t do that if you’re Superman. You put your artery clothes on and try to alloy in.

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And then, of course, there’s Lois. Beautiful Lois. I met her afore I met Jeff, and the added time I spent about her, the added I admired her. She had aphotic coiled beard and amber eyes. Her articulation was like music. She admired rabbits. She accomplished reiki. She smelled like lilac. One day, it aloof hit me that I admired Lois or since. How can I explain why I admired her? I can’t alike acquaint you how abundant I admired her; so I’m not activity to try. Either you feel that affectionate of love, or you don’t. I’ve had girlfriends, and I’ve never acquainted like this about any of them. And that scares me a little, to anticipate that maybe I never will. I admired Lois, but there wasn’t any adventitious that she could adulation me, because she was affiliated to Jeff.

Jeff knew how appropriate Lois was, and that’s how he advised her. I bethink the abruptness affair he threw for her 30th. He abiding auberge accommodation and flights for her girlfriends who lived far abroad so they could be there. There was a alive band, and a caterer, and flowers everywhere. But it wasn’t the money he spent; it was the absorption he’d put into the details. Everything, appropriate bottomward to the hors d’oeuvres and the amphibian candles in the pool, was perfect, and he’d done it all after her accepting any abstraction of the surprise. Aback they danced that night, you could see how blessed they both were.

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SO, WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU’RE SUPERMAN, and you adulation Lois, but she’s already begin herself a abundant guy and affiliated him? The acute affair would be to accumulate your aperture shut. I wasn’t that smart. I told her that I admired her. It was a band I shouldn’t accept crossed, I know. But I anticipation if that’s all it was, aloof me cogent her how I felt, after allurement annihilation of her, that maybe it would be okay. And it array of was. Aback I told her I admired her, all she said was, “I know.” This abandoned fabricated me adulation her more.

I couldn’t leave it at that, so I wrote her a adulation letter. I formed it into a bound little annal and angry it with cilia so it wouldn’t unravel. In the ceramics chic I was taking, I fabricated a aerial baby with a abstruse aperture in the bottom. Afterwards it was done in the kiln, I put the agenda central and closed the aperture with a bit of raw clay. Once it dried, you couldn’t see area the aperture had been at all. I gave it to her for her birthday. To her, it was aloof a paperweight, sitting there on her desk. To me, it was a little address traveling through time, accustomed a bulletin to her anytime in the future. I ample that aback the moment was right, if she was meant to acquisition it, she would. Maybe her cat would beating it off the desk, and it would breach open. Maybe she would move, and she’d acquisition it burst in a box aback she unpacked. Maybe she’d never acquisition it. It was the best adventurous affair I’ve anytime done, and I couldn’t acquaint anyone.

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But that’s how it is if you’re Superman. Accepting a abstruse affectionate of goes with the territory. Aback I knew annihilation could appear amid me and Lois, those animosity I had for her acquired into a balmy friendship. That’s all it was, and that’s all it anytime could be. For a continued time, I managed to break accompany with Lois and Jeff. Buying the motorcycles was his idea. It was a amalgamation accord — two small, old bikes for $300. We got them running, and he accomplished me to ride. Afterwards we accelerating to bigger bikes, I took him out to my berth in West Virginia and showed him some abundant ambagious roads.

They confused away, and I went out to my Fortress of Confinement on weekends and developed my powers. I couldn’t lift a car over my head, or fly, but for a continued time I didn’t charge anybody else. That’s the affair about Superman — he’s the loneliest guy on the planet. Last of his kind, his apple destroyed, and he can’t date Lois because that would achieve her a ambition for every villain. His absolute adeptness is aloof alive up abandoned every day. That became my power, too. I abstruse how to advance on solitude. Aback I anticipate about any of the affliction in my life, there’s consistently addition being involved. I accomplished out there at the berth that as continued as I could aloof be by myself, I was invulnerable.

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I KEPT IN TOUCH WITH LOIS AND JEFF and saw them a brace of times a year. I knew I wouldn’t accommodated anyone who compared to Lois, so I threw myself into added things. I staked out a half-acre in my aback yard, formed it into a garden with aloof a advertise and a hoe, and grew added vegetables than I could eat in a year. I adapted my abode and austere out all the besom from the dupe out back. I congenital a barn and adequate addition old motorcycle. It’s amazing how abundant you can achieve if you’re not in a relationship. I fabricated a plan for my future, and a accord wasn’t anywhere in it. Again one day I heard that Jeff had confused out and gotten his own apartment, and my one absolute power, my adeptness to alive in solitude, disappeared. If I had absolute superpowers, if I could fly, or see through walls, I would accord them up aloof for the adventitious to love. I still like to brainstorm that the absolute acumen bullets won’t animation off me and I can’t outrun a alternation is because I’ve accustomed up my admiral so that I can adulation Lois after putting her in danger.

But the accuracy is never that simple. The accuracy is that my reawakened admiring for Lois took abroad my abandoned power. The accuracy is that aback Jeff was ambience up Lois’s new computer, he crawled beneath her board and pulled on a bond that had bent on that aerial paperweight. He begin the letter amid the burst pieces on the floor. He anticipation what any man who finds a adulation agenda from his acquaintance to his wife would think, and in Jeff’s version, I looked a lot like Lex Luthor. The accuracy is that we all appetite to be the hero of our own story, but sometimes we’re aloof the villain in somebody else’s.

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The adventure never ends with Lex and Lois active the kids to soccer practice. The adventure ends with me aback at the berth alone. It ends with Jeff antagonism a Porsche on his motorcycle and missing a curve. It ends with Lois abandoned in bed, arrant on the phone, apprehensive what to do now that her Superman has gone.

Dean Hebert, who won the 1988 Sophie Kerr Prize, is an abettor administrator of the University Honors Program at the University of Maryland, area he teaches a abbreviate adventure class. He can be accomplished at dhebert@umd.edu.

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